
YOU CAN HELP! PLEASE! See photo credit/info – Bottom of Page
Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing (Yahweh – U2)
The thing is, I’ve got this rash thing going on. It’s my neck. It keeps itching!
See, I live my life with too much to do in one day. I run around like a multi-tasker on steroids. I work. I’m a mom of three, one little, two grown but who still need me for advice, wisdom, and favors, definitely lots of favors. I’m sandwiched between the needs of our young and adult children, aging parents, and our needs. Our aging home needs more attention and money than we have to give. I want to write a book. I need to organize my time better. There isn’t enough time to even find the time to organize!
Our days melt into one another as work, errands, paperwork, tasks, email, and chores at home get accomplished. Pay the bills, throw another load of clothes in the wash. Did you remember to buy toilet paper? Take the kids for their six month check up at the dentist? Get the tires rotated? Get the kids signed up for camp? Did you remember to sit down for five minutes and play? All we ever do is do things, but are we accomplishing anything?
At the end of most days, the result of all the busyness seems to add up to futility. The laundry isn’t finished. The windows are still filthy. The siding really needs painting. The car still needs tires, and probably a new transmission. The toilet paper was forgotten, and there aren’t even any paper towels as a backup. The kids are hungry and you didn’t have time after work to go to the store. All the bills and paperwork sit like a tornado of terror waiting to suck up and swirl all your precious time away.
Even though the whole day was spent working at something, not much seems to have been accomplished. I constantly think about what I need to do and all that I long to do, knowing I have insufficient time for neither. That’s when my neck starts to itch.
Perhaps it’s something else that’s actually gnawing at my neck. I once heard that pain or discomfort is God’s way of using a megaphone to get our attention. See, I’m starting to get this feeling that’s rising up inside of me, that I am called to do less, at least to do less here, and be more out there, out in the world. I think I know what it is.
Itchy Faith
Yes, I think my faith is starting to itch me a little bit. It’s starting to feel like a thorn under my skin, a rash that won’t go away. Because as a Christian, when I accepted Christ, I learned I was saved by Christ’s sacrifice by nothing I did, but because of his love for me. But His grace is so much more extravagant than that. It’s more than just, “thanks Bro! Now I’m heaven-bound, and I really appreciate it! I’ll really try hard to readjust my cynical attitude from time to time. Again, I sincerely appreciate you keeping me from the flames!”
See, I’m itching to do more out there, to be more of what I think God is calling me to be. I read the bible, but not nearly often enough. And I certainly pray about life’s problems, all the time in fact. I like to think of myself as one of “God’s complainer-in-chief.”
Yet, I feel like there’s a little bug crawling in my ear, and I can’t get it out, simply by scratching it. It’s almost as if a voice is whispering, “Yeah, and so what are YOU going to do about it. I already put in you the answers. I gave you the cure; are you going to USE it?”
See I don’t like this part of my faith. It makes me itch. Because I know, just like other medications, it may make me or take me to this place: UNCOMFORTABLE. I know if I commit to feeding the hungry on a regular basis, my heart is going to hurt, and race. It probably will depress me. If I start getting to know the people Jesus healed then I’m going have to listen more and talk less. Rescue requires involvement.
I am starting to think if I have eyes, ears, hands, and feet that work reasonably well, he’s probably called me to use them. And that is so scary!
I freeze up sometimes when asked about my beliefs, or about the bible because I don’t want to offend others or “botch” God’s word. I avoid getting involved because it means I might have to commit time or energy. We like to delude ourselves by hoping someone else will make a difference in the world. So I lie to myself, and say I wouldn’t be good at it, or I don’t have carpentry skills, or I’ve just got too much going on.
Well! We all have too much going on. Yet while I go to bed at night in a comfortable king-sized bed in an air-conditioned house and mentally say my prayers, sometimes I close my eyes and I see continent sized groups of people that sleep on a dirt floor, or a stale mattress. I see flies, so many flies! When I sit at my desk inundated with mountains of paperwork, all requiring communication or financial responses, I feel swamped. Then I remember, there is a child in a tattered dirty shirt and bare calloused feet somewhere in the world trying to till the soil of dry dirt, and ”hope for rain” as the only source of water.
I’m annoyed when I take my child to the pediatrician’s office and on the way, realize I’m nearly out of gas, and if I stop we’ll be late. Then this uninvited vision of a feverish child swollen with malaria with half-mast eyes, and crying for her mother who no longer exists floats to the surface of my consciousness. Who are you to complain about all the abundance I’ve given you? This too, creeps into my thought process. I shoe away the fly in the car that’s bothering my soul.
I turn on the ipod in my air-conditioned van. U2’s “Yahweh” is playing. I love this song. I’m bothered by this song. Like other songs of theirs, am I going to just listen to another groovy tune, get to my destination, and turn it off? Or am I going to respond to it?
……Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don’t make a fist, no
Take this mouth
So quick to criticize
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss (Yahweh – U2)
Yes, I’ve had this rash for a good while now. I’ve gone from complaining often to complaining less and being grateful more. But God hasn’t come down from heaven and said, “Good job daughter, I’m pleased with you. You finally got it.” No, it’s more like this itchy thought that keeps rising, “You haven’t even climbed the first step yet. Keep going.”
I don’t know where this will lead. I’m scared. How will He have me serve? Write about ways to serve or actually serving? Will he put me out there in the battlefield where people are actually hurting, crying, starving, or dying? I don’t know. I don’t know if or where I’ll be going or when. I don’t have a field manual. I just simply feel something is changing in me and it itches me in such a way I personally can’t live the way I used to.
Words like social justice and compassion and service keep rising up despite my political beliefs, despite my attempts to push them back down. Oh no, I’m starting to feel a bit like Bono. I have a feeling, lack of fame won’t give me immunity, any more than an abundance of it excludes him. I’m pretty sure God is calling all of us to view our place and our purpose in the world, whether we have a platform reaching millions or a platform reaching only One.
Be warned. If you have a tender heart, this rash is contagious. It will make you uncomfortable. The question is what are you going to do about it?
Take this heart
And make it brave
Yahweh – U2
To hear this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyzPtjIP2eo
When searching for the perfect photo for this article, my first “hit” stumbled upon this; it is a concrete and specific way you can help. Compassion International is a fantastic organization that is one of the world’s most efficient charities in terms of applying the greatest percentage of money directly to those in need. Our family has sponsored a child since 2003. I will be blogging about this in the future!
Please prayerfully consider sponsoring, or even a one time donation to Compassion International!
http://ihrg.org/10-ways-to-choose-which-child-to-sponsor
Compassion International: http://www.compassion.com