I’ve been struggling with something lately. It’s made me feel insecure and small and insignificant.
I’ve been seeking validation and confirmation in all the wrong faces and places. I’ve been allowing what others say or do or don’t say or don’t do to define me. It’s a hang-up, a bad habit I have. And it always yields the same result:
An engraved invitation to a party:
THE PITY PARTY
Have you ever been to one? Oh they’re fabulous; let me tell you! No limousines or glamorous gowns or flowing champagne and people to tell you how amazing, how stunningly beautiful, how incredibly talented, how divinely gifted you are. No! You arrive, and you wonder where in the world are all the guests?
You can almost feel the smirk on an unseen enemy’s face. This is it. You realize. This is your party. A party with the table all set for one: You! It’s a lonely party. There are no gifts or accolades or recognition.
Linda Rondstandt’s Poor Poor Pitiful Me blares in the background. You begin to doubt everything you’ve ever done or hope to do in the future. Past accomplishments are but a distant memory. Hope for the future is a concept belonging to others rather than an assured belief.
How is it that we can be so hopeful one day and feel in utter despair the next?
I’ll tell you. We forget who we are.
The moment we forget that we are created by a loving God who has plans so magnificent, our mind hasn’t even begun to conceive what they are, we fall prey to the schemes of an unseen enemy. The devil, Satan, self-absorption, bad karma, narcissism; they’re one in the same in my book. When we are the ruler of our own kingdom, we become quickly disillusioned when our “subjects” (those people and circumstances we can’t seem to get control of) disobey or at least, disappoint.
I so know this intellectually. It’s just my heart that trips me up. Repeatedly. See there’s these three things I just keep wanting over and over:
Validation
Admiration
Results to go the way I plan
We do have to make plans in life. It’s true, there is no such thing as a plan to fail, only a failure to plan. But sometimes even the best laid plans are laid to waste if a higher law at work deems it so.
I’m talking about God here. Yes, sometimes God allows us to fail, to hurt, to be disappointed, to not understand. Why? So that we can fall. Fall on our faces and fall on our knees. He doesn’t want us to fall prey; He wants us to FALL, PRAY.
Do you ever feel restless in your faith; anxious in your soul? Do you have an itch you just can’t scratch? Do sermons and scripture verses and encouragement from others just sound like words: blah, blah, blah, blah? Do you ever feel misunderstood, abandoned, invisible, and disappointed?
Not to worry. It happens. We are human. This is the cycle of life. We get restless and start to feel like there is something more over there! We get restless and feel like if we only had……………
You fill in the blank. You know what I’m talking about. That thing. That thing that if you could just possess or experience or be than everything would be perfect. Except that it wouldn’t.
We were born to struggle and to wrestle. To struggle and wrestle within ourselves, our beliefs, with those in the world, and yes, even with God. We’re challenged to prove it’s true in that which we think we know.
We don’t have all the answers. But God does. I know that in all things a good and loving God is in control. In His time, and in His Way, he is working out not just my Salvation (in Christ) but also my issues, problems, deepest longings, and dreams.
How do we get back to true? How do we turn around? How do we get better? How do we heal?
It’s simple, but hard: We let go and let God. We struggle to get set free as we realize by letting go, we already are.
You already know this. I do too. We just need to be reminded sometimes.
When you know that you know that you know that you are loved by the Creator of the Universe and He has it all under control , despite your feelings today, He will bring you home, to Him, to the love that He has for you, and He has planted inside you, waiting to be poured out, spilling over the brim, in order to bless others.
You too are loved. Believe it. Now live it.
You rise up early, and go to bed late, and work hard for your food, all for nothing. For the Lord gives to His loved ones even while they sleep. Psalm 127:2 (New Living Version)
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (NIV)
In my dream I was drowning the sorrows
But my sorrows, they learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim
Waves of regret and waves of joy
I reached out for the one I tried to destroy
You…you said you’d wait
’til the end of the world…..
“Until the End of the World” – U2
u2areloved 